I have decided to postpone all of the manhood activities until a future date. I would very much like for all of you men and peers to participate, and a number are unable to on the 13th.

My wife has reserved Bartz Hall at St. Peter School for the ceremony. It will start at 2 pm, and I would like to meet there at 1 pm to set up and rehearse a bit.

This will follow the morning ‘Life Walk’ at Deer Grove Park, and will be followed by a dinner at Piatti Pronti in Arlington Heights for participants (fathers and peers).

This morning I sent emails to a group of Jacob’s best friends:

I am planning a Manhood ceremony for Jacob on August 13th at 2 pm, and I am asking you to consider participating.  The purpose of the ceremony is to affirm Jacob as he passes from boyhood to manhood, and will be held at St. Peter school in Bartz Hall.  A number of men are participating (including your father) and I am asking those friends of Jacob's who know him best to participate as well.

What I ask of you is to write a short paragraph on something that you believe that Jacob does well, and read it during the ceremony.  Additionally, I would like for you to write a sentence on something you believe that Jacob needs to watch out for as he goes through life, such as a tendency to talk too much, for example.  The first will be read publicly, and both parts will be given to Jacob for him to read privately.

If you are unable to attend, please consider writing the two short paragraphs so I can include them with paragraphs from others in a small binder for Jacob's use in the future.

In any event, please do not discuss this with Jacob as I would like for this to be a surprise for him.

Please let me know at your earliest convenience, and don't hesitate to contact me with any questions you may have.  More information about the ceremony is available at my website, www.harperhill.net.

Thanks, and best regards,

Mr. Harper

If your son receives one of these, please encourage him to participate. I believe it vital that Jacob’s respected peers, those that know him best, participate as well. In addition to the affirmation of something he does well, I have asked them to point out a (potential) weakness to balance out the praise.

This past weekend my wife was discussing Proverbs 31 with a young woman, and she asked if there was a ‘Male’ equivalent to this. My wife asked me, and I came up empty, so I searched the web and found this:

http://princeofthewest.blogspot.com/2008/11/proverbs-31-for-men.html

Proverbs 31 for men

The Sunday just before Christ the King Sunday, the Old Testament reading was Proverbs 31 - the account of the diligent wife. Though (sadly) few Catholics could peg this passage from the opening verses, most evangelicals can. It recounts the attributes of a faithful wife, and is often read at times like Mother's Day. I get a kick out of catching Ellen's eye when it's being read, for though she doesn't plant vineyards or spin her own yarn, she's diligent in tending to our house.

I've spoken to men who loved Proverbs 31 as kind of an ideal standard for women, but lamented that there was no equivalent for men. But actually, there is - though it's found in an unlikely place. The passage is Job 29, specifically verses 7-17. It reads thus:


7 When I went out to the gate through the city, when I prepared my seat in the street!
8 The young men saw me, and hid themselves: and the aged arose, and stood up.
9 The princes refrained talking, and laid their hand on their mouth.
10 The nobles held their peace, and their tongue cleaved to the roof of their mouth.
11 When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it gave witness to me:
12 Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him.
13 The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.
14 I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem.
15 I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame.
16 I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out.
17 And I brake the jaws of the wicked, and plucked the spoil out of his teeth.
KJV
Lest anyone think Job was simply blowing his own horn here, remember that God Himself referred to Job as "blameless and upright", which presumably involved a fair amount of humility. We can safely assume that Job exaggerated nothing, but was simply telling things as they were.

We guys tend to like the part where everybody stands and falls silent when we show up, but the thing to notice is why they do that: because Job aided the helpless, and took up the cause of the outcast and the victimized. He doesn't boast of his substantial wealth or community influence, but rather that he took the part of those who had nobody to help them.

Scripturally, this is the mark of a manly man: the willingness to put his strength at the disposal of the weak. This obviously requires sacrifice, and sometimes confrontation, as that last verse indicates. The confrontation part doesn't go down well in our culture, and to many pragmatic men may seem a dangerous step. After all, why alienate that guy? I may have to do business with him in the future, and maybe there's another side to the business about the rental units...(or whatever).

But Job didn't see it from the perspective of what he might gain from a situation - he only saw the victims and their plight. That was enough to move him to action. I can't count how many times this passage has given me comfort in the years I've been fighting the pro-life fight, because if there is any group that is in "the fangs of the wicked", it is unborn children.

It's interesting to note the difference in tenor between the two passages. In Proverbs 31, it is to a woman's credit to tend to her own home, while in Job 29, the noblest work for the man is to see that righteousness is established in the public arena.

I remember being at a men's retreat, and hearing an evangelical pastor for whom I had great respect interrupt his talk to state plainly, "Y'know, I've had it up to here with 'nice'. God doesn't need 'nice' men, he needs strong, courageous, and forthright men. Our culture puts such a high value on 'nice' that it turns us into wimps." Job would agree. Taking up the case of the stranger and breaking the fangs of the wicked are not the actions of a 'nice' man, but of a strong one. That's the kind of man I want to be.

So there you are, guys - that's our Scriptural equivalent. If we want our wives to be "Proverbs 31" women, we should strive to be "Job 29" men. Be warned: it isn't necessarily nice, but it is right. It will be costly, and may involve confronting people (particularly "the wicked", who can be quite intimidating). But that's the standard, and one that was exemplified by Our Lord Himself.

Being a Job 29 man can come naturally, if we let it. I had a glimpse of it this past weekend when we had our grandchildren stay the night - the first night away from their parents for both of them. It was a planned, deliberate step to get them accustomed to the idea, and it had the expected tears and calls for parents, particularly at bedtime. The morning went all right until my granddaughter bumped her head and Momma was not around to comfort her. Upon hearing her tears, her cousin brought her his teddy bear and consoled her, telling her not to cry and that her Momma would be here soon. He missed his mother every bit as much as my granddaughter did, and probably would have loved to commiserate with her. But her distress caused him to forget his, and he devoted his efforts to easing her burden. This is a two-year-old version of Job 29 in action - a very good start.